


A Life for a Life

by himynameisv



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Gen, Magic is free, Merlin did a stupid thing, new timeline, something's wrong and we don't know what
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-23
Updated: 2020-07-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:01:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27010930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himynameisv/pseuds/himynameisv
Summary: His face fell, and he seemed to struggle to keep the tears at bay for a moment before speaking. "No. I intend to give my life for Ygraine." And the world dissolved that night. (Two sides of a coin were never meant to face the same way.)Originally posted on fanfiction.net.
Relationships: Alice/Gaius (Merlin), Balinor & Gaius & Uther, Balinor/Hunith (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Kilgharrah & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Knights of the Round Table & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Morgana & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Ygraine de Bois/Uther Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 48





	A Life for a Life

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Why would I be here if I owned anything? All rights belong to the BBC.
> 
> WARNINGS for a (kind-of) character death. The situation here is similar to the Zari 1.0 and Zari 2.0 bit in Legends of Tomorrow. If the logic behind this isn't too clear, which usually happens when an idea comes to you at the dead of night and you're the sleepy equivalent of drunk, just check the Author's Note at the end for an explanation. Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

_In the raging of our ways  
In the dying light of days  
In the darkness of our youth  
In the brokenness of truth  
In the making of a scar  
From the end until the start  
We were running the whole time  
And we were living_

_-"[Parallel Lives](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCYlkheBJ94)," Lily Kershaw_

* * *

Merlin trudged towards the Disir, more tired than ever before. They watched him with wary eyes.

"We cannot do what you ask."

The young boy - young _man_ \- cocked his head to the side, his eyes having lost their life and innocence, and his shoulders hunched in grief. Yet, his face showed great determination. "What do you think I will ask?"

The Disir nearly laughed. Had it been a different time, they probably would have. "Isn't it obvious? You seek to give your life for King Arthur. It cannot be done. Destiny has foretold his death for many years now."

He laughed bitterly, though it might have come across as a sob. "Morgana is dead, and magic has finally been freed. Doesn't he deserve the chance to see his kingdom prosper? Doesn't he deserve the chance to see his son grow?!"

The Disir were not heartless people. They felt his pain; it leaked out into the space around him. But many had asked this of them by now, and they knew not to mess with the forces of Life and Death, especially when Destiny was so heavily involved. "It cannot be done."

"Well, it's a good thing I wasn't planning to do that."

Startled, they studied him closer. He seemed...sure of himself, too sure. At that very moment, they knew that his great desperation and dedication to the Once and Future King would be his downfall. Still, they danced around the subject. "If not Arthur, surely you were planning to bargain for Sir Gwaine's life. _That_ can be done; he is not so held back by Destiny."

His face fell, and he seemed to struggle to keep the tears at bay for a moment before speaking. "No. I intend to give my life for Ygraine."

That was the one and only time the Disir were made thoroughly surprised (though they supposed it fit his character). Unfortunately, their attempts to make him rethink his decision failed; his magic was far too powerful.

Many would wonder if it was the decision of an insane man, far too gone to think logically and far too gone to care about the consequences of his actions. Some would wonder if it was in great grief. His whole life, his whole being, had revolved around one man as dictated by Destiny; and then that one man had died, and he had had no more purpose. Still others would wonder whether or not it was one last duty from a servant to his master.

But they would never get an answer, because Emrys had the power over Life and Death, and the world dissolved that night.

* * *

Two sides of a coin were never meant to face the same way.

* * *

The cries of a baby broke through the air. It was a bright and merry day for the golden-haired prince's birth. Cooks and servants and guards alike waited with bated breath for the news of an heir, and the clouds seemed to have forgone their travels through the sky that day. Even the flowers seemed to bloom brighter in anticipation.

The prince was to be named 'Arthur'. Many noticed the similarity in names between the Prince and the King, but none commented. The King and Queen had never been seen happier.

Unbeknownst to the common folk, the Queen had been near death for a few minutes after childbirth before miraculously recovering at a great pace. The Court Physician, Gaius, decided not to question it. The little prince had already taken his heart.

Days of celebration followed, marking the start of a golden age for the Pendragon reign.

* * *

Nimueh never did figure out who had died to restore the balance.

* * *

Arthur grew up in a loving household with both parents (along with a horde of Uncles and Aunts). With his mother's input, he grew up as less of a 'prat' (a certain someone would say), and the kingdom brightened and grew alongside him.

Soon, there came another little one to live at the castle: the Lady Morgana, the King's Ward, who was shy and quiet after her parents' deaths, but who soon opened up. A day could not pass without Arthur and Morgana bickering and jabbing at one another, but the whole castle adored them and simply watched with a fond exasperation. She was not the most lady-like, but nevertheless, she impressed everyone with her fighting skills, dark locks swishing and swirling along with her sword.

(Contrary to most, the Great Dragon viewed her with some skepticism. He didn't know why, and that somehow scared him.)

She had magic, but that was fine, because the Court Sorceress was there to teach and guide her. Her visions of the future were sometimes bloody, but more often than not, they showed a bright and prosperous future for the kingdom. Everybody was content.

* * *

One year, a plague spread through the lower town (and, Gaius feared, would reach the castle soon enough). There were too many people contracting the illness, and Gaius and Alice could simply not keep up. As a last resort, he sent a letter to his younger sister, Hunith, all the way in Ealdor, requesting her help. She came to Camelot immediately, and together, the kingdom managed to fight off the illness, though sadly, many had died in the process.

Uther had graciously granted Hunith a guest room in the castle (though Gaius and Alice's chambers were large, there was no room for her), and she may or may not have gotten lost on the way there. She quite literally bumped into a dark-haired man. Specifically, the head Dragonlord. Perhaps Destiny had been doing a long lost warlock a favor.

"Oh, I am so sorry. I wasn't looking," she said, hurriedly.

"It is not a problem, my lady," he said, giving her a smile.

She blushed. "I am no lady, my lord. I am simply lost, looking for my chambers."

"Well perhaps I should be the one to lead you there."

The pair had..made quite the impression on one another. And soon enough, the servants could be found gossiping about the blooming romance between Lord Balinor and (perhaps soon-to-be) Lady Hunith.

The King raised his eyebrows at his old friend and took it upon himself to plan their wedding.

He failed. The Queen decided to take it up after him.

Many would say that was the most beautiful wedding to happen in a long time (even more so than Uther and Ygraine's, and that was saying something). Smiles were everywhere. Prince Arthur had pronounced himself ring-bearer and the Lady Morgana flower girl. (They were too adorable to deny.) They performed their roles with flourish and love.

Even Guinevere, who preferred the name 'Gwen', was allowed to come as Morgana's maidservant (ahem, friend).

The following day, Gaius walked in on them in his healing chambers sharing a kiss (or two, or three). His eyes widened and he wished Alice had decided to come grind herbs instead of him. "There's a room up those stairs, if you'd like," he said dryly.

And if that small, closet-like room was home to a clumsy, dark-haired boy in another time; well, nobody knew.

* * *

Despite all the happiness Camelot seemed to emit, there were troubles.

Troubles like the King and Queen refusing to share the same bed (at least, temporarily) when the news of Morgana's...parentage came to light. (And from the thought-to-be-dead Morgause, no less.) It was a stressful few weeks, but eventually, with much coaxing from close friends, they made up. However, it wouldn't be the same and there would always be tension.

They mostly did it for the children. Arthur was reeling over the fact that his not-sister was very much his sister and Morgana had realized, all at once, that her father had not been her father and that the King was actually her father and that she had a secret sister that nobody had told her about and - did that mean the King had only taken her in because she was his daughter?

Uther had quickly reassured her that _no_ , he would've taken her in even if she wasn't his daughter. She had been a young and orphaned girl who needed stability.

And, loathe to admit it, he had given her just that. (Nobody could quite say whether the first part was truth, though; but she believed it, and that was all that mattered.)

* * *

Eventually, another baby's cries sang through the castle. He had dark hair, and he was named Merlin.

Both Balinor and Hunith adored their first baby. He was so small and fragile and he had beautiful blue eyes that seemed to see _everything_. The castle was, once again, overjoyed.

* * *

Simply because one shares a name with another does not mean they are the same person. This Merlin wouldn't have Destiny hanging over his cradle. This Merlin wouldn't have to suffer due to his mere existence. And, quite simply, this Merlin wasn't Emrys.

* * *

Arthur, being 10 years old at the time, decided to be a good older brother (Cousin?) and protect him. He just seemed so _small._

There may have also been a small part of him that had always felt something (or someone) missing in his life, which was awfully ridiculous when he thought about it. But nevertheless, it was there, continuously gnawing at him and making him miss that something or someone that wasn't really there.

He thought that Merlin would fill the void.

But as they grew older, as Arthur slowly started to meet his duty as King, the void only grew and grew. Something was fundamentally wrong, and he didn't know what it was! He had asked Morgana, asked his mother, asked literally everyone he could think of.

They only looked at him skeptically and asked if he needed to see Gaius or Alice.

The only person (or, rather, not a person) who believed him was the Great Dragon...whose name was apparently Kilgharrah. Arthur really tried not to be surprised by that. Unfortunately, the dragon didn't know why either. He only knew that it just was, and Arthur walked away considerably grumpier than before.

Merlin grew up to be a great prat (Morgana called _him_ a great hypocrite). But it was true! He was a bit snobbish like some of the nobles who visited, and Arthur could never train him to fight because he was always buried in a book and it was always magic _this_ and magic _that_. He wasn't even that powerful, for goodness's sake! Morgana would easily beat him in a fight (a sword fight, too). The only special thing about him was that he'd inherit his father's dragonlord powers when he died (and Arthur hoped that'd be a long time away).

Sometimes, Arthur had the odd urge to command him to do stuff like tidy up his room and clean up horse dung and help him dress for the day (okay, _that_ thought was a bit odder than most). He had George the Bootlicker to do all of those, though. (Arthur was still horrified by his brass jokes.)

So Arthur started calling him Marvin. (Everyone though it was an endearing nickname. Arthur just rolled his eyes at them.)

It eased his internal troubles a little bit, but they were still there, and they were growing day by day.

* * *

Meanwhile, a group of sorcerers decided to attack Camelot and try to assassinate the King. Arthur was, understandably, greatly concerned.

"What do they want?" he asked Alice.

She just looked at him, her lips pressed in a thin line. "They blame your father for the death of Emrys."

Arthur had no idea who Emrys was. "Did he kill this Emrys?"

"No." Her eyes were troubled. "Emrys isn't dead. He simply never existed in the first place."

Arthur, along with most of Camelot, were very confused by that fact. It seemed that only magic users understood what had happened. Still, the rogue sorcerers were adamant about Uther's role in their prophesied savior's death, and it culminated in a great fight, with spells flying everywhere.

The battle was short-lived, and Camelot was victorious.

Nimueh and Balinor had always been a formidable pair. Add in Morgana and Morgause, and no enemy, magical or not, could stand a chance.

* * *

Morgana giggled, and Arthur glared at her in return. "What?" he asked, annoyed.

She smirked. "I see Gwen has caught your fancy."

"What?! No! No no no. It's nothing of the sort."

"Then why have you been staring at her for the past 10 minutes?"

"Erm...because?"

"Uh huh." She patted his shoulder and stood up to leave the room with a smug smile. "You have my blessing!"

* * *

Though there were the occasional assassins, bandits, and magical threats, the Crown Prince of Camelot decided that his life was, overall, great. His parents were still there to support him, Gaius and Alice had gotten a new apprentice he didn't care to know the name of, Merlin had become a little less annoying as he entered his teen years (though something was still wrong), Morgana had succeeded in setting him and Guinevere up, he had gotten used to George's unwavering presence (not that he was entirely okay with it), and Leon was still his most trusted knight whom Arthur considered a close friend. He did still have to deal with that one man who got drunk seemingly every day (Arthur swore he'd look better in armor), but other than that, he could think of no significant problems in his life.

Which was a problem in and of itself.

* * *

"Hey, Kilgharrah?" Arthur was in a nearby clearing, one of the only places a dragon as huge as Kilgharrah could land without causing a huge panic.

"What is it, Young Prince?" the dragon asked, staring down at him with its golden eyes.

He stood there awkwardly. "Could you - I don't know - breathe onto this sword and then stick it into a huge rock so I could pull it out and declare myself worthy of it?"

The dragon blinked, and then proceeded to comply to his first request (not so much the second). Apparently, Arthur was only half-crazy.

He named it Excalibur. (It seemed right.)

* * *

Eventually, Arthur convinced the King to change the law forbidding peasants from becoming knights. Arthur had observed many he deemed worthy of it, but could not due to their social status. He had, specifically, eyed a select few.

So, it was that Sirs Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan were welcomed into the ranks. Some might have asked why Arthur had decided to make a drunk a knight, but he had saved his life, so Arthur put that aside (though he was still watching the man's drinking habits); Percival was a great fighter (his physique was especially helpful), yet humble and quiet; and Elyan, though he had had some issues before, was a noble man who would do good as a knight. Arthur could see it.

Arthur also knew that Elyan being a knight technically made his sister a noble, too. He may or may not have used that as an excuse to propose to her and set up a wedding.

The wedding may have even outshone Balinor and Hunith's from years past. Uther wasn't too happy about him marrying a servant, but Ygraine's overwhelming support more than made up for it.

And, standing there, making vows to spend the rest of his life with the love of his life, Arthur just felt an overwhelming _rightness_ about the whole thing.

* * *

Morgana was soon to be the new court sorceress, and Arthur and Gwen were soon to be the new king and queen. Nimueh and his parents weren't dead, thank goodness, but perhaps a bit too old to take up their duties as well anymore.

Arthur was happy. Everyone around Arthur was happy. Yet there was just something _missing_ in his life. What more could he want?

* * *

They found the girl in the tunnels beneath the castle. "Hey, what's your name?" Morgana asked softly.

"Freya." Arthur recognized her as one of the Druids the slave traders had brought in.

"We're going to help you, Freya," Arthur said.

Her eyes grew panicked from their previous wariness. "No!"

Morgana cocked her head to the side. "But you can't stay here. Like this. We can help you get a job in the castle. Help restart your life."

"I'll hurt you," she whispered.

Arthur and Morgana hadn't known what to make of that until she turned into a huge flying monster thing. Specifically, the huge flying monster thing that had been attacking Camelot for days. Arthur's eyes widened comically and he raised his sword before realizing they couldn't hurt her.

They ran to Gaius, who received a rushed explanation before running to his spellbooks and trying to find a way to reverse the curse.

Nobody knew how, but eventually Morgana's magic, paired with Morgause's, lashed out and cured her without a spell. She was grateful. (Now that he thought about it, Arthur swore he had seen her coming out of a lake.) And she became Morgana's new maidservant.

Arthur sometimes wished he could have that type of friendship with his manservant.

* * *

A dragon was hatched. Balinor named her Aithusa, and she was pure white. Merlin kept rambling to him about how momentous an occasion this was. Arthur didn't particularly care.

* * *

He went on a walk through the forest to clear his mind. There were just so many things that were inherently right and inherently wrong with his life, but no reasonable explanation for it! It was driving him crazy.

Eventually, the mouth of a cave met him, something that he was fairly certain hadn't been there before. As always, he decided to go inside.

(Many magical beings would talk about this day for the years to come: the day that the Crystal Cave had seemingly disappeared from its usual spot to come back a few hours later without an explanation.)

"Hello?" His voice echoed throughout the vast cavern, and he marveled at the beauty of the place and the seemingly endless number of crystals. Perhaps he could take Guinevere here sometime.

"Hi, Arthur." A man appeared out of nowhere and his muscles relaxed without his permission.

"Do I know you?" he asked.

The man seemed to softly smile, reminded of a memory that hadn't actually happened. "Maybe."

Arthur furrowed his brow. "That's not an answer."

"There is no right answer."

"Stop being so cryptic. You're like Kilgharrah."

The man actually laughed at that. "So the overgrown lizard's still annoying people here."

Arthur shrugged. "Yeah. He's been alive for so long that I doubt his death is coming anytime soon." He sobered up quickly. "You seem to know my name. How?"

The man sighed, and Arthur realized, with growing horror, that he was slightly transparent. Was this a ghost? "You know my name as well. I know it's a bit difficult for your thick head, but take your time and think for a bit."

Silence reigned as Arthur stared at the mysterious man. Then it clicked. "You're Merlin." Not _his_ Merlin (or perhaps it was). He was much older, closer to Arthur's age, and his ears were all wrong and it looked like he had never seen a comb in his life, and he was wearing peasant's clothes, including that stupid neckerchief, but it was right. This was _right_.

"I don't understand."

Not-Merlin or Correct-Merlin or _Something_ -Merlin nodded, grimacing a little. "I didn't think you would."

"Explain it, please?"

Other-Merlin sighed. "I did something stupid."

Arthur had a feeling he'd done many stupid things in his life. "Which is?"

"I was going to give up my life for you, but then I changed my mind, and I gave it up for your mother."

Arthur was dumbfounded. "But - how?"

His eyes seemed to spark gold. "Magic." Arthur sat down. It seemed like this was going to be a long talk.

And it _was._ Talks of a different life where things happened differently, where his mother had died and magic was outlawed. Merlin refused to go into further specifics, but Arthur could gather that this other Camelot was far from the one he grew up in.

"And you _died_." Merlin ran his hand through his hair, looking at Arthur with such _pain_ that Arthur struggled not to look away. "So I did that, and now you're here. _Alive_."

Arthur stood up then and reached out to touch his shoulder. His hand went through the apparition. "But you're not."

Merlin looked at him, somehow sad and happy at the same time. "It doesn't matter."

"What? Of course it does!"

Merlin, the stubborn, self-sacrificing idiot, shook his head. "You didn't grow up with the Great Purge! You grew up with your mother and a loving father! You have Gwen and Morgana! You're _happier_ here! I did it so you'd have so much _more_!"

"But at least you _lived_ in that other life! You weren't stuck in this cave to watch all your friends do what you couldn't!" Arthur didn't know why he was arguing. It wasn't like he could change what happened.

"Like I said, it doesn't matter. I've...done things I'm not proud of, but _this_ ," he gestured to the space around them, " _this_ is something I don't regret."

Seconds passed of not-uncomfortable silence. Arthur could see it in his eyes and felt an overwhelming sense of _loss_ wash over him. "Am I...going to be able to talk to you again?"

"No," Merlin said softly, like it wasn't hurting him as much as it was hurting Arthur. "The Crystal Cave doesn't reveal itself to many, let alone some clotpole like you."

"Thanks," Arthur said, rather dryly.

Merlin smiled. "It'll only reveal to you this once. You won't be able to find it again."

"What is this place, anyways?"

"It's the birthplace of magic, which is why you're able to see me at all, 'cause I'm apparently magic." Arthur nodded, trying to come to terms with this whole messed-up situation. "I'll always be watching."

That forced a chuckle out of him. "Like _that's_ not creepy at all."

Laughter, then silence. Ignoring the inevitable. "Give your Merlin a chance, okay? I know he's not as awesome as me, but it's not his fault."

"But you _are_ my Merlin."

"I know. Just listen to what I said. Live your life. Don't-" Merlin cut himself off. "Don't forget about me, okay?" There was a vulnerability there that _hurt_.

Arthur nodded. "Okay." He stood, trying to memorize the sight of a long-lost friend. "Goodbye, Merlin."

"Goodbye, Arthur." And he was gone.

Arthur walked out of the cave, more content with his life than ever before.

* * *

The legends would always talk of King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table. They would talk of the overwhelmingly kind Queen Guinevere. They would talk of dragonlords and sorcerers and High Priestesses of the Old Religion. They would talk of good and evil. They would not, however, talk about the person who made this Camelot possible.

His name: Merlin.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so it's, like, headcanon for me that the life for a life stuff only really works if the soul hasn't actually moved on yet. It can only be done if the person has recently died. The exception to this is Arthur bc Destiny decided to take over his entire life. Merlin's obviously not gonna side for that, but even he can't fight Fate and Destiny and all that stuff. Now, Ygraine, on the other hand, didn't get as fucked up by Destiny. Since Merlin is, ya know, Emrys, it would stand to reason that his magic, powered by his grief and desperation, would be able to revive her and more.
> 
> More being accidentally reversing time to when she had just died and essentially erasing his own existence. He created this new timeline where Ygraine lives, so magic is still free and everything happens differently. I'd like to think Uther wasn't that much of a dick before her death, so he's so much nicer here.
> 
> Merlin 2.0 is still the firstborn of Hunith and Balinor, so he probably still looks like our Merlin. I think. Unfortunately, that's where the similarities end. He's much younger, seeing as his parents met much later, and the circumstances of his birth and childhood were completely different, so he's nothing like Merlin 1.0. He also doesn't have the weight of Destiny on his shoulders, which kinda does a lot to your mental health.
> 
> I'd also like to think that Morgause would want to reunite with Morgana in a more positive manner, seeing as they're not being persecuted, so she's a good guy in the fic.
> 
> I didn't put Lancelot in here bc...I felt that he only really stayed bc of Merlin? I didn't really know how to introduce him in this new timeline. I suppose you could say the same thing for Gwaine, but I think that after (hopefully) seeing the good in Arthur (you don't exactly need Merlin for that), he decided to stay. Idk where Percival came from. Maybe he decided to travel to Camelot. Idk.
> 
> About the Crystal Cave, it would make sense for Merlin, who is inherently magic, to be stuck there for the rest of his life (or not-life) and observe everything that happened, right? Yes? Okay, I just needed a way for them to talk.
> 
> Also, as you can see, Arthur and Kilgharrah are on a first-name basis (though Kilgharrah rarely calls people by their actual names, so maybe not). They're buddies in this whole something-is-wrong-but-I-don't-know-what issue since Arthur's missing his other half (*sniffs*) and Kilgharrah's the Great Dragon.
> 
> Is that it? Did you manage to understand all that? Yes? No? I don't even know where all of this came from.
> 
> This is the largest one-shot I have ever written (and the largest A/N). Review? Please? Pretty please?


End file.
